It's Tuesday today, so that means...…………...

On second thought, I don't know what that means, but as long as I'm here-

Ole was looking for a job and heard that their was an opening for a janitor at the local Lutheran church. He applied for the job and the interview went very well. "You have the job," he was told, "just sign this paper."  
Ole made a big "X" on the paper. 
"What's that?" he was asked. 
"That's my mark." 
"You're supposed to sign your name." 
"That's my mark," Ole replied, "I cannot read or write."
 "What? We're sorry, to work here you have to be able to sign your name."
 Well, Ole finally got himself a job as a mate on a tugboat, and eventually he became captain of his own tugboat. He did well for himself and eventually had a fleet of ships of his own and became one of the wealthiest men in the community. 
One day the mayor decided to honor him for setting such a good example for other immigrants, and what they can accomplish with hard work and ingenuity. The mayor says, "Sven, we want to give you the key to the city! Just sign this form. 
"Sven made a big "X" on the paper. 
"What's that?" he was asked. 
"That's my mark." 
"Your mark?" the mayor asked. 
"Aih, I cannot read or write, so that's my mark." 
"You accomplished all of this not being able to read or write?" The mayor exclaimed. "Just think what you could have done if you could read and write!" 
"Yes," Sven said. "I could have been a church janitor."

Ole was having trouble with his son, Hjalmar, in school. In most respects, Hjalmar was getting good grades. But in math he was having a lot of difficulty. Ole tried talking with the teacher, but he informed Ole that everything had been tried. The principal at school said the same. Both Ole and Lena tried tutoring Hjalmar, but things only got worse. 
Finally, Ole and Lena decided to enroll Hjalmar in a parochial school. After about 3 weeks, the report cards came out, and Hjalmar had gotten an "A" in math! Ole and Lena were proud as could be, but were also quite curious. And so they asked Hjalmar, "Hjalmar, how did you do it? How were you able to get an A in math in this here school?" 
Hjalmar replied, "I knew I had to shape up real fast. On the first day at the new school, we all went into the church for morning devotions, and I looked up at the front wall and saw this huge PLUS sign with a man nailed to it. And I knew right there and then that this school was real serious about math!"

Lena passed away and Ole called 911. The 911 operator told Ole that she would send someone out right away. 
"Where do you live?" asked the operator. 
Ole replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." 
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" 
There was a long pause and finally Ole said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up der?"

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